Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Emperor's New Clothes

Hi! Today is one of my long days at work. Right now, the students are writing independently at their desks, so I have time to sneak a quick post in.

Last night, the big kid approached me....after happy hour...I was in a good mood...."Ma, I need a suit."

Huh? Don't you have one?


A blue blazer with khaki pants?


You need a a business suit. Why?

"For the opening dinner."

Let me get this straight. I am going to buy you a suit so you can attend a baseball dinner. Do you need it for anything else?


When do you need it?

"By Saturday."

OK, so, he needs a suit for one dinner in February. Not a blue blazer....a suit. Really. A suit (cha ching). I have to buy someone who is going to wear it once and drop it on the bottom of his closet a suit from macy's, Lord and Taylor, or Joseph Banks (cha ching). I am not feeling it....

Since he is not a normal size, this suit will need alterations (cha-ching, cha ching). Of course, we will not find a suit that fits him on the clearance rack that I can use my coupon on. Nope, it is going to be one of those fancy suits that is wool and nice. It will fit and look amazing on him. He will wear it to the dinner, spill beer and mashed potatoes on it, smear the potatoes with his napkin, and leave it on the floor.

Oh, by the way, a person cannot wear boat shoes with a suit and he will need leather shoes (cha ching, cha ching, cha ching)....a silk tie (naturally), and a button down pinpoint cotton shirt (cha ching....boom!).

I am feeling poorer already. Honestly, I do not mind buying the suit, shoes, shirt, tie, underwear and so on.....but if I find a thread or string on the floor of his bedroom or under his bed, I will implode, grab the suit, get it dry cleaned and take it to the homeless guy in town to wear.

Now, that is motherly love....


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