Good Morning. I am listening to Pandora with Simon and Garfunkel singing "Homeward Bound". It's a great song that has a renewed meaning for me. We've been able to create a home that is comfortable and inviting. I wanted a haven...a place to be when things are rough or not so rough....a nest...filled with family, friends, laughter, and happiness.....like my parents' home where sibs and grandchildren stop by on a daily basis....Why am I so reflective about my home? Well, next week is Buddy's 19th birthday and he won't be home. I won't see him...he is gone (yet happy and where he should be)...this is a tough one for me.
Birthdays are big deals for most people. Yet, I firmly believe that birthdays are more momentous for mothers. I remember all of their birthdays, parties, cakes, and gatherings....I also remember giving birth to the biggest baby of the day. It was odd, I had thought that a mother would immediately bond with their child, but that wasn't the case for me. Don't misunderstand me, I was thrilled that he was here and I loved him, but if I took a walk to the nursery, I would not have been able to pick him out in a police line up. I am not sure why.
Anyway, it took about 2 weeks to really feel the enormous outpouring of love that I had expected immediately after birth....you know...the kind of love where you would run into traffic...jump out of an airplane without a parachute, jump on a bully, lift up a truck, or eat a bug for that person... I was sitting up in bed....it was around 12:30 am and I was watching The Dennis Miller show (yep....Dennis Miller...don't judge) and he (Buddy...not Dennis) was snuggled against my shoulder. Everyone in the house was asleep except for me. I looked in the mirror and saw the bags under my eyes, the hair plastered against my right ear, and a beautiful sleeping baby. Right then...it was as if a dam had opened up. I started to cry and realized that there was nowhere else that I would rather be...watching Dennis Miller, sleep deprived with an active toddler in the adjacent room and my baby boy curled up on my shoulder. It was a moment that was so powerful and unforgettable. I would have stayed up holding my babies for the next 18 years if that was doable.
I am sorry that this one is a bit moody....but since I have been sick and in the house...I am a little more reflective. With Buddy's birthday next week, I won't be ordering a chocolate cake or making a chocolate cheesecake....no chicken parm.....balloons.....special snack in the back pack....Got to get over this one....
This is a new chapter in all of our lives. It is the way life is supposed to go. Children are born, raised, leave home, and start their own lives. They have wings and roots.....It's time for me to really let go.....and order a cake to be delivered to his dorm....chocolate, of course ;-)